Joseph Patrick Murray of Pelham Manor passed away on Nov. 5, 2024, after a long battle with cancer. He was 84.
Joe leaves behind Ann, his wife of 59 years, four children — James (Sarah), Maryanne Buechner (Terry), Eileen (Chris Hatton) and Patrick (Kimberly Yee) — and 12 grandchildren.
A Pelham resident since 1975, Joe had a very successful medical career as an otolaryngologist (ear, nose and throat doctor) in private practice in Yonkers and head and neck surgeon at St. John’s Riverside Hospital. He retired in 2005, and immediately started playing more golf.
He traveled extensively, taking trips with Ann to South Africa and Botswana, Egypt and Israel, China, Japan and Russia. The couple also loved a good European river cruise. There were regular stays at various Disney resorts as part of the couple’s vacation club membership; in 2014, 22 Murrays invaded the Saratoga Springs hotel and did the parks in matching T-shirts. There were trips to Ireland and Scotland to hit the links with friends.
Joe also loved going to casinos. He would go frequently in his final years, often to Harrah’s in Atlantic City or Mount Airy in the Poconos, where he would play Mississippi Stud, 3-card poker and other table games while Ann stood watch, signaling when it was time to cash in. On his 84th birthday, 11 members of the Murray family piled into a party van for an afternoon at Resorts World in the Catskills. That was a great day.
Joe grew up with his sister Margaret in the Gravesend part of Brooklyn, near Coney Island. Their mother Josephine (Caiati) was born in Bari, Italy, coming to America as a child. After earning her GED, she took the civil service exam and went to work for the City of New York, becoming indispensable to different departments as a translator of letters and other documents written in Italian. Joe’s father, another Joseph Patrick, the son of Irish immigrants, was a taxi driver and later manned a control tower for the M.T.A.
As a kid, Joe was always impressing the nuns at his parochial school with his big brain. A favorite story of his mother’s was how in kindergarten it was her boy who suggested he go by his middle name, because there were so many other Josephs in the class. He was the first from Sts. Simon and Jude to be admitted to the prestigious Regis High School in Manhattan.
Joe majored in biology on a full scholarship at Iona College in New Rochelle, graduating in 1962. (He loved his philosophy courses, but to major in that was not practical.) He supported himself by working a series of jobs on weekends and during school breaks, including a few stints delivering mail in Greenwich Village.
After college he tried dental school, but it didn’t take. While studying for the MCATs, he took a job as a teaching assistant at Brooklyn College, where he met Ann Urso, an A student in his biology lab class. On the couple’s first date Ann ordered an espresso, which impressed him greatly. Ann and Joe were married in 1965, and by Thanksgiving 1973 they were a family of six.
In 1970, after completing his internship and first-year residency at Bronx Municipal Hospital Center/Albert Einstein College of Medicine, Joe joined the Navy and moved the family to Maryland to complete his ENT training at the Naval Hospital in Bethesda. When the residency ended, the department hired him as a staff physician.
In the summer of 1975, the Murray family moved to 8 Bonmar Road in Pelham Manor, joined Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church, and Joe went into private practice. After 24 years living in the house with the tree in the driveway, the nest had emptied and it was time to downsize. The Fairways apartments by the Pelham Country Club — a two-minute walk to the first tee — proved a perfect fit.
Joe was already a Grandpa by then. The first grandkid, James’s son Patrick, was born in 1997. Many more followed, in this order: James, Conor, Dylan, Owen, Clare, Aidan, Maxwell, Kiera, Joseph, Orlaith and Sean. Grandpa’s idea of babysitting consisted of reading the newspaper from an easy chair while the little ones played on the floor by his feet. Longer stints almost always included a nap — and Grandma walking in the door to shake Grandpa awake.
At 82, despite some mild reservations, Joe agreed to participate in a Storyworth book project that meant answering a series of questions, like, Where did you go on your first big trip? Bermuda, on honeymoon. Favorite movie? The Godfather. Favorite opera? The Mikado, Gilbert and Sullivan. What would you save if your house was on fire? “Any living person who happened to be home, then you get outta there. This is a silly question.” On some topics, he didn’t hesitate: Who is the most important person in your life and why? “My wife, because we made a family together — and my family is the most important thing in my life.” What is your best advice for raising children? “Be married to the right woman.”
Joe Murray always put family first, but he didn’t make a big deal out of it. It was just the right thing to do. He made sure to tell his kids that he loved them and was proud of them on multiple occasions. (Except for the tattoos; he didn’t like the tattoos.) He paid for college for all four of them — that was important to him, having had to rely on scholarships to get by, and he was awarded several. But his kids had to work during the summer, no loafing.
To his daughters’ potential suitors, he could come across as intimidating — seeming, according to some, to appear much taller than his actual height (5’11” at his peak). He knew that his resting face was far from neutral; not smiling, he would appear angry, and he used that to full effect, cracking himself up. It was hilarious, if you were in on the joke, and once you married in, you were. Joe treated his sons- and daughters-in-law as his own.
He was beloved by his patients, and by his colleagues. If you worked with Dr. Murray, or were treated by Dr. Murray, you never forgot him. People would stop him on the street and thank him. And whenever someone in the family or close to the family needed help, if he could help, he would, fielding medical questions or working through some other kind of issue. Last summer, when it had become clear that he didn’t have much time left, a close relative paid a visit to thank him in person for being such a positive force in their life. He listened patiently as the person expressed their gratitude, sincerely and tearfully, before responding, not unkindly: “I don’t know where you come up with this stuff.”
Shortly before he died, Joe was asked about the time he shot a hole-in-one playing the Ballybunion course in County Kerry, Ireland. He couldn’t recall what year it happened, or who among his many golfing buddies had been there, but he smiled, picturing it. “It’s a great shot just to get it onto the green,” he said. “That it rolled in — that was luck.”
He was not one to brag about himself, so it’s easy to imagine that’s how he would sum up his life: that he was a lucky guy. But he worked hard and made his own way, with intelligence and care, humor and humility. His family and friends loved him and looked up to him. His wife adored him, cooking 90 percent of his meals right up to the end. He was quick to shout out all the right questions watching Jeopardy. That wasn’t luck. That was just him.
In lieu of flowers, please make a donation in memory of Joseph Patrick Murray to one of these two charities:
The Maryknoll Fathers and Brothers: P.O. Box 302 Marknoll, NY 10545. Joseph was a lifetime supporter of Maryknoll, sending a check every month for over 70 years. He made his first donation of $1 when he was still in grammar school.
The Province of St. Mary, Capuchins: 110 Shonnard Pl, Yonkers, NY 10703.
Fr. Michael J. Greco OFM Cap is a longtime family friend and celebrant at OLPH, where Joe and Ann were active parishioners for nearly 50 years. Ann is forever grateful to Father Michael for visiting Joseph at home many times during his final months.
The Murray family is hosting a visitation on Friday, Nov. 15th, 4pm to 8pm at Pelham Funeral Home, 64 Lincoln Avenue, Pelham, NY 10803.
A funeral mass will be held on Saturday, Nov. 16th, at 10 am at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church, 575 Fowler Ave, Pelham Manor, NY 10803.
Editor’s note: This obituary was provided by the Pelham Funeral Home.
